Diet facts

DCAID late-breaking research findings on diets:

1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a Coke Zero with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are zeroed out by the Coke.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat more than they do.
4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate brandy, toast, and Starbucks almond cake.
5. If you fatten everyone else around you then you look thinner.
6. Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.
7. Brownies contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
8. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories: lettuce and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and mashed potatoes; grapes and ham...
9. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other color.
10. Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric material.
11. Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his/her plate.

Remember: STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.